Love me, Love me
By Ian Helms · Updated on February 15, 2024
Ever wonder why your heart does a little somersault when your partner surprises you with tickets to a show? Or why a quiet night in, watching reality TV together, feels like the epitome of romance? Well, it’s all down to your love language!
The concept of love languages has transformed our understanding of affection and intimacy, highlighting the diverse ways we express and experience love. For the LGBTQ+ community, these expressions are as varied and vibrant as our identities.
Before we get to the quiz itself, let’s dive into the five love languages and how they can manifest within queer relationships.
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The five love languages (but make them gay)
Originally developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, the five love languages are a way to understand how we give and receive love. While they were initially centered around heterosexual couples, let’s take a closer look at how they can apply to the LGBTQ+ community.
Here’s what each of the love languages are with a little queer context to each of them:
Words of Affirmation
If you’re the type to amp up your partner with affirming words, or flood their inbox with texts that bring them queer joy, you’ve nailed your vibe. It’s all about letting your partner know they’re absolutely fabulous, with every word you say dripping in support and queer joy.
Quality Time
This is for those who believe in turning Netflix nights into marathons of meaning, or who find that coffee dates are where the real talk happens. It’s about carving out moments that are just for the two of you, making even a grocery run feel like an adventure. Quality time is your ticket to showing love by being fully present and turning any ordinary moment into an epic queer rendezvous.
Acts of Service
This love language is all about doing the little things that make a big difference. Whether it’s making breakfast in bed, taking care of errands on a hectic day, or being the go-to plus-one for all the LGBTQ+ events, it’s your way of saying “I love you” through actions and easing your partner’s day-to-day life with big (and small) gestures.
Receiving Gifts
Got a knack for picking out the perfect playlist or the coolest queer merch that screams, “This is so us?” This love language is about hitting the bullseye with gifts that matter. It’s less about the price tag and more about showing you’ve been paying attention to what lights up their eyes. Every present is a mini-celebration of your connection and things that remind you of them.
Physical Touch
This one’s for those who find a hug or a casual touch speaks louder than words. It’s about keeping your connection alive through the comfort and security of physical closeness, whether it’s holding hands in public, cuddling on the couch, a foot massage, or just being physically there for each other.
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Mirroring affection: How to speak your partner’s love language
This isn’t just about you, though! Embracing your partner’s love language is about adapting to their preferred way of expressing and receiving love, which significantly enhances the emotional bond and understanding in your relationship.
By mirroring their love language—whether it involves words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, thoughtful gifts, or physical touch—you put your needs aside and focus solely on what makes your partner feel loved. This is especially important to do when your love languages don’t already align.
Mirroring your partner’s love language is a direct way to strengthen your connection and ensure that your expressions of love are both impactful and meaningful.
This conscious effort to reflect and adapt to their love language validates their feelings and shows that you are invested in making them feel loved.
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Whether you're single, coupled, or somewhere beautifully in between, understanding your love language can help improve communication and deepen connections.
It's important to remember that we all possess a combination of these languages, but one or two may stand out as our primary love language.
Take our short quiz to discover your queer love language and how to use it in your relationships!
How do you cheer up a friend or partner who's feeling down?
1. Talk it out with them.
3. Bake them their favorite treat.
4. Send them a care package.
5. Give them a big bear hug.
Pick a color that speaks to you:
Passionate red
Healing green
Sunny yellow
Mysterious purple
Tranquil blue
What's the most meaningful gift you could receive from your partner?
1. A custom playlist of songs.
2. Coming home to a clean house and dinner waiting.
3. An item you've had saved in your online cart for ages.
4. Tickets to an event or experience.
5. A day of pampering at the spa.
Which city would you love to (re)visit?
Bali
San Francisco
Paris
Rome
Tokyo
Which queer historical figure do you admire the most?
1. Audre Lorde, for her powerful words.
2. James Beard, for his culinary artistry.
3. Harvey Milk, for his generous spirit.
4. Marsha P. Johnson, for her activism.
5. Bayard Rustin, for his loving nature.
Pick your favorite heart emoji:
Red Heart
Smiling Face with Hearts
Heart on Fire
Heart with Ribbon
Two Hearts
All 6 questions completed!
Let's figure out your queer love language!
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