This post is part of my limited-run series New Friend Summer. Read more about it here.
With how often I hear about the importance of hobbies from mental health professionals, it’s wild to think that they didn’t always have the best reputation. Back In The Day™, hobbies were regarded as frivolous activities serious grown-ups didn’t have time for. These days, though, hobbies are often prescribed as a solution to all sorts of modern problems: They’re ways to reduce stress and anxiety, soothe depression, unplug from tech, take care of your body, establish a sense of self outside of work, monetize as a side hustle when you can’t make rent, have fun—
And yep, make friends. So this week, we’re talking hobbies.
Why hobbies = friends
I received a lot of responses from people who found friendships via hobbies in indirect ways—connecting with a coworker who unexpectedly liked the same band, using a mutual interest as an excuse to slide into a mutual’s DMs, etc. But while most of us probably know how shared hobbies can be foundational to a relationship once we realize we have them in common, a lot of us forget how they can also facilitate finding new friendships on a practical level.
When we’re intentional about them, hobbies are solid friend-making vehicles because:
They’re low-pressure. “It's a chance to be social but you're not expected to carry a conversation,” successful friend-maker Brian B., 35, told me, speaking of a board game club, but I find it true of a lot of group hobbies, tbh. “You don't have to be fascinating, or funny, or reveal a lot about yourself—but you'll end up actually building relationships that get to a deeper place over time.”
They automate hangouts1. Hobbies lend themselves to clubs, classes, and other groups with recurring or at least reliably scheduled meetups. Anyone who’s ever tried to coordinate plans in the group chat knows that this can be a freaking blessing.
They’re not only about making friends. We know that, like dating, searching for your people can be a discouraging numbers game. But at least with hobbies, you’re trying new things, taking care of your mental health, and having fun along the way. As Jackie F., 32, put it, “Hobbies are the best for making friends because I’m just doing things that I enjoy and get to meet people who enjoy them, too.”
As for the hobbies themselves
Below, you’ll find a sh*t-ton of ideas if you need them. But maybe you already have some hobbies and you just need to reimagine what they’d look like as opportunities for friend-making—that can be a lot less intimidating than starting from scratch with a Brand New Thing.
Personally, I’ve started hitting up introvert-friendly gatherings that can be described as “what I’d be doing anyway, but in the proximity of people,” like reading parties and crafting clubs. I gotta say—it’s a lot better than collaging alone on my couch.
“I think the answer to How do you make friends as an adult? is basically the same as the answer to How do you make friends as a kid?” 38-year-old Cat S.C. wrote in. “You make space for play in your life, and you play with people.”
And what are hobbies but opportunities to play with others? Just to name a few:
Community choir. “My latest indie music choir is a feminist one called Henge Queens.” —Jas H., 43
See AlsoTory Lanez & Lizzo: The Ending of One Legal Drama and the Beginning of Another by The Chinny ChroniclesThe 15 best British TV shows of 2024 (so far) — and how to watch themReturns, Exits and a Pair of Battles Royale! At Last, the ‘New’ General Hospital Is Taking Shape: Here’s What to Expect"We're all Soviets now"And community theatre. “What better place to meet fellow adult weirdos who unwind by playing dress-up?” —Jessa S., 37
Board game club. “It's a social club for introverts.” —Brian B., 35
Swing dancing. “It’s such a fun way to meet friends of diverse ages and backgrounds.” —Anika C., 27
And line dancing. (Queer line dancing in particular.) —Lauren W., 26
Knitting and crocheting. “I responded to an ad on the queer dating/friendship app Lex from a woman who wanted to meet other queer women to hang out and craft together.” —Babs K., 36
A new language. “I decided to take a course to pick up a language I’ve wanted to learn for a while now. The real friendship started when I was paired with a conversation partner! You learn a lot about the other just by nature of telling them about yourself/your life and conversing in another language.” —Jude L., 24
Tabletop roleplaying. “I joined a specific publisher’s Discord because I loved their game (Good Society), and then just sort of elbowed my way into friendship with a bunch of people I gamed with there.” —Chloe S., 31
Meditation. “We meet in the park once a week for a group meditation. Obviously that’s not very social, but a few of us always grab coffee after.” —Deb K., 37
Book club. “I joined two book clubs at my local independent book store. I now host a third spinoff book club at my house for those from the romance book club who wanted to read spicier stuff and discuss it in a private place.” —Megan C., 34
And Bookstagram. “I made a separate Instagram account to share and review books because I didn't know anyone who liked to read. This led me to meet other people who had similar taste in books, and now we talk regularly get coffee go to book/author events together.” —youngmi p., 31
Weed. “Not to sound like a total stoner, but I just went on Lex and posted something like, ‘who else likes to just sit around and get high?’ and hilariously, it turned into kind of a club where we try new strains and introduce each other to new music as we smoke.” —Krista W., 28
Billiards. “I started playing at a small weekly tournament and joined a local league. I've since made several friends including a couple of good ones that I know I'll keep.” —Fred M., 49
Voice acting. “I joined a class on a whim and the people I met there were so ambitious, creative, and amazing. I was so nervous because I was the only one that wasn’t in acting or theatre professionally, but everyone there was so encouraging and friendly!” —Janel P., 23
Running. “I scoped out a few run clubs on Instagram and picked one that specifically looked like people I’d vibe with. Silly captions, vocally leftist, my age, heavily tattooed.” —Mel T., 31
That one TV show of the week. “We started watching Game of Thrones together on Sunday nights. One of the season finales, we all got dressed up and cooked a themed meal! Then at the end of the episode, we all looked at each other and thought… Same time next week? And we continued having Sunday dinners as a group for years.” —Joe B., 35
Hiking. “When I moved to LA from Alaska, I joined a women’s hiking community called LA Hiking Baddies. I went on one of the easier hikes and chatted with several women—there were probably 50+ on the hike!” —Presley W., 26
Pokémon Go. “Yes, it’s still a thing! They added a companion app called Campfire that lets you connect with players in your area, so I started going to Community Days.” —Val O., 33
Fountain pens. “I attend pen meets with my local fountain pen group! We bring pens, inks, and papers and we share ink samples and just talk about anything and everything.” —Eunice B., 33
Fantasy football. “My now husband had a group of guy friends from college that would always hang out, and over the years, girlfriends started to join the group. From there, we decided to start our own women-only fantasy football league, and now we chat and get together more than the guys do.” —Kristen F., 34
The Sims. “I started in a Discord for fans of this one Sims Channel, but a few of us started getting on voice chat while when we played, too.” —Kat T., 29
Scrapbooking. “I’ve been scrapbooking for years, but joining a local scrapbooking group I found on Facebook has brought so much joy and new friendships into my life.” —Manuel A., 40
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Trivia. “After about three weeks of going to bar trivia, I started recognizing other regulars and smiling. Eventually talked to a few teams under the guise of friendly competition and led to making some friends with similar interests!” —MikaelaR., 27
Karaoke. “I became friends with the bartender, the DJ, and a group of regulars at local bar that had Sunday night karaoke when I became a regular myself. And in case you're wondering, my signature song is ‘Shut Up and Dance.’” —JonathanP., 38
Wine tasting. “A wine shop near me hosts weekly tastings, so my roommate and I decided to attend—and have since moved to hosting tastings at our apartment with the new friends we met there.” —Violet K., 45
Swimming. “I joined a mental health swim group near me.” —Rosa C., 29
Roleplaying. “I made some really amazing friends after I joined an online fandom roleplay community just before COVID hit the States. We've bonded over falling in love with new games, new shows, and a place where each of us can share our highs and lows together with understanding and love.” —Dani W., 30
Roller derby. “A lot of people come and go through derby and you probably will find some people you click with. I met a best friend in my second season, and many close friends and a WIFE after that!” —Katie L., 42
Bowling. “I am a straight woman who joined a gay bowling league (as an ally). I met a whole slew of new besties at 41.” —Sarah G., 41
Gardening. “I joined a local community garden, started getting to know my neighbors through that, and slowly branched into real friendship.” —Leah D., 40
Pottery. “Taking a pottery class not only let me explore a new creative outlet but also helped me meet some really down-to-earth and creative people.” —Sam G., 29
Birdwatching. “I started going on birdwatching walks organized by a local nature center, and it’s amazing how quickly you bond with others over spotting a rare bird!” —Sonya T., 31
Your fave sports team. “I joined a supporter group for Atlanta United and instantly had access to a social group that regularly planned large events (especially tailgates) for members to attend.” —Sarah D., 32
Cycling. “Joining a cycling group has been incredible. We do weekend rides and often end with brunch.” —Eve M., 33
Astronomy. “I attended a star-gazing event hosted by an astronomy club through a local observatory. Lots of people were passionate and knowledgeable, but some people like me just wanted an excuse to hang out and look at the stars and chat.” I’ve made some great friends there.” —Ethan L., 38
Improv. “The good thing about improv is it attracts people who aren’t afraid to put themselves out there and look stupid, something required when making friends as an adult.” —K.C.J., 27
Chess. “I started playing chess in the park and found it to be a cool way to meet a lot of casual friends outside my normal social circles.” —Carl L., 24
Concerts and raves. “The community just has so many dope people who are cultured, smart, hip, and overall a good time.” —Josh S., 28
Climbing. “This is going to sound so annoying but... I've established a close friend group though my climbing gym. And by being consistent with the time and day we climb, we've met a ton of other people at the gym who have become friends as well.” —Max N., 36
Photography. “I joined a photography meetup group that does photo walks around the city.” —Helga K., 28
Wine and paint nights. “I started attending wine and paint nights at a local studio. It’s a relaxed environment to meet other creative people.” —Laura M., 28
Animal rescue. “Volunteering at an animal rescue has been rewarding and a great way to connect with other animal lovers.” —Derek S., 39
Literally anything that sounds interesting. “I am such a hobbies bitch. The algorithm serves me some weird new niche group every day, and friends, I will sign up for it all just to try. Parallel play meet-up for people with ADHD? Count me in. Urban adventure walking tour near me? Sure, why not? Sometimes I meet friends, sometimes I don’t, sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s not. But it is the quickest way to find people who are also down to try new things—something I really value in friends.” —Fiona R., 24
Now I want to know:
Any hobbies you love for making friends that didn’t make the cut
Your tips for actually connecting with clubs and groups like this in your area. Popular responses included Meetup, Lex, local newsletter digests, ~the algorithm~ on Instagram and TikTok, and just searching “X near me,” but I’d love to hear your recs!
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Speaking of automating hangouts, I can’t stop thinking about this Tumblr post about Bridgerton and the appeal of a calling culture. “office hours for friendship. you can show up unannounced at my home between 1 and 3pm. you must leave by 3pm. I may give you a pastry. lets bring that back.” Please?!
